itsmeshan

its been a while...

2009-05-22T08:13:35Z

im nvr on this thing anymore. as a matter of fact, it took me a few tries to remember my username and password. but im here nontheless. Im feeling gushy and i needed to vent.
have you ever met someone and they just stuck with you? you meet and its like a magnet pulls you toward them...you speak and its as though youve been doing so for ages...the small talk isnt really small, as it seems youve automatically skipped through the b.s. and arrived at interesting conversation? Ive never had that with someone (at least not that i can rmbr anymore) until recently. recently being a few months ago. ever since meeting him hes stuck in my brain like someones branded him there. The desire for further interaction with him is becoming quite the nuisance, seeing how its not really possible. he lives far away. and how do u even begin to say, hey, im not pyscho or anything, but based on our short (but meaningful) conversations, i think we could really have something here...why dont you travel a few hundred miles to go on a date? As sad as that sounds, ive been trying to think of ways to go about saying that with out sounding like a completely desperate nutcase. alas, i digress... i think ill go watch rob&big and try to fall asleep...

itsmeshan @ 2008-04-20T03:26:00

2008-04-20T07:28:09Z

i cant wait to have my own space. my own house, my own kitchen, my own everything. i cant friggin wait. so far this year i feel like my life is moving in a positive direction.

i miss you grandma. I'll see you again one day <33333

itsmeshan @ 2008-01-23T01:18:00

2008-01-23T06:28:17Z

Im sitting cozy in my bed watching some t.v, surfing the web. its raining outside, which makes this all the better! Aside from the rain, the weather in Florida has been wonderful. warm and balmy in january is a dream!

Yesterday Kyle and I celebrated our 6 month anniversary. We went out and enjoyed an amaaaazing sushi dinner, then headed over the the hardrock to see kat williams. Of course he was hilarious! I cant believe its already been six months. its been so grrrrrrrreat!

itsmeshan @ 2007-10-04T16:30:00

2007-10-04T20:36:39Z

im tired of feeling like im sitting around and waiting for these guys to come to their senses and realize i could and would be amazing for them. i deserve far more than it seems they can give me. i deserve stability. Im so glad kyle is in my life. someone i can see on a daily basis. someone that lives 20 minutes away, and isnt leaving anytime soon. someone who is tangible, and more than just the title of "my boyfriend". im more than a picture on his (non-exisitent) myspace and the tag of "in a relationship". so many little things for a while used to eat me up because i was so much more than these guys were making me feel. and now i have someone who makes me feel as special as i am. as for the 2 that i wish i could name, but im far too private for that, your loss.

im so fabulous

2007-08-23T17:34:10Z

im too cool for my own good. zetus lapetus.

i bought a bag, and i think im mildly obsessed with it. kinda of like how im obsessed with my new phone. Im ALWAYS on it. ffffreals. i feel like an asshole sometimes cause i never stop texting. but i like when it rings. makes me feel warm and fuzzy, like the person on the other end is sending me kisses.

i was so discconnected with reality.

2007-07-18T03:53:08Z

dear doctor,

too much of a good thing is no good. too much drove me to the brink of insanity.

itsmeshan @ 2007-07-01T02:34:00

2007-07-01T06:35:13Z

if i was a rapper, my name would be Young Sha. there are tons of "youngs" coming out, but not enough females! too bad im not a rapper, young sha is one hell of a name!

itsmeshan @ 2007-06-24T03:49:00

2007-06-24T07:50:42Z

i feel this way because i beat around the bush and wasnt completely honest. i know. we promised. i was afraid of looking crazy. but now, this is driving me crazy.

itsmeshan @ 2007-06-22T13:40:00

2007-06-22T18:10:10Z

the two days i spent with my silverstein bros were awesome. i think i love them more and more everytime i see them. for the first time im actually considering flying somewhere to see them towards the end of this tour. i know by then ill be missing them tons. laughs. so many laughs. ill upload some pics soon. first few days of serving went well. its so different from hostessing. i didnt spill any drinks on anyone! so glad about that!

10 years.

2007-06-02T20:33:49Z

im into 2 different dudes right now. the thought just occurred to me...one is 31, the other 21.

i thought that was interesting and funny.

Long live Le hot club.

pardon the mush

2007-04-30T05:43:46Z

I wanna scream from the mountain tops that i like a boy. i really like a boy. but then i think about it, and feel retarded. for so many reasons.

itsmeshan @ 2007-04-22T22:34:00

2007-04-23T02:40:33Z

i want to be on an island alone. away from people, away from egos, away from inhibitions. away from over thinking, away from disappointment.

itsmeshan @ 2007-04-20T15:30:00

2007-04-20T19:30:37Z

I just got back from Boca Raton. I drove down with Trent and Chris Gainesville to see my awesome buddies in Silverstein. I havent seen them since November, so it was amaaaaazing to see them. Gosh, i had so much fun just kickin it. catching up, watching, t.v, joking around. Its rare to find people you can love, trust, and open up to, so when you find them, its def something you hold onto. Its amazing to watch them grow and change, but it warms my heart because they are still the sweethearts i met years ago. im excited for when they come back in june. Trent and i may just have to start planning a trip to canada to see our boys on their own stomping ground...

one year ago

2007-04-04T05:18:19Z

I feel like ive come such a long way from one year ago. its hard to believe its already april! this year is going by very fast. So far its been a happy year. last year at this time i was ready to give up. Ive learned so much from the experience of getting from last year to this one. for one, ive got so much to learn. just when you think you have it figured out, you realize you dont have a clue. im learning to roll with the punches, but the punches seem so few compared to a year ago. i like the person im becoming. walking into my house after work last night, i had one of those moments that you know you'll remember forever. the moon was full, the breeze was gentle and warm. the street was still and quiet. this is what happiness feels like. this is what it feels like to be content and excited to be alive. and when i realized that i'd been feeling this way for quite some time, i remembered how i USED to feel. its kind of like bracing yourself for a shot, dreading the pain, and then the relief you feel when you realize its over. i still have icky days, and we all do, but im so happy that giving up on life doesnt cross my mind everyday anymore.

New York magazine thinks im a drunk

2007-03-06T20:46:04Z

http://nymag.com/news/intelligencer/features/28987/

HAHAHAHAHAHA

itsmeshan @ 2007-03-05T13:11:00

2007-03-05T18:13:13Z

Yoooooo...trying to figure out if someone likes me shouldnt be that hard right?

why does my brain reverse every thing they do to show their interest?

itsmeshan @ 2007-03-05T03:43:00

2007-03-05T09:08:44Z

seeing gym class on thursday was awesome. loads of fun. as usual. Sitting side stage at firestone, i started to well up watching the crowd. i remember watching them play for very few amounts of people, and too see them rocking out for a sold out venue, getting the crowd hyped, kids singing along to every word, it was fantastic. it makes up for the times i'd see them playing to a semi-empty house and think- what is wrong with the world? these guys are amazing! why arent their shows selling out?!

its fun for me to watch them grow in success, (even if that does mean its harder to reach them and i have to share them with more people) but i cant even imagine how they must feel.

highlights from last thursday:

+ Getting to hang with Trent most of the day
+chips and queso!
+ dance parties on the bus being better than the dance party at the venue.
+ Travis' rendition of icebox
+ chuckling inside every time Matt called food "cuisine"
+ winnie the pooh being strapped into the backseat of anna's car (ok, that was from sunday, but it was so funny it deserved a shout out)
+dancing with anna
+ Katy telling me how much love there is for my family, and then posting a bulletin about it<3

not so greats:

- the so-called open bar every 15 minutes being changed to every 30 when ever Jen and i were waiting for it
- people pretending to know me when they saw me with gym class. creepy.
- ________ asking me for a ride home.

safe to say, as awesome of a time i had on thursday, i was as equally sketched out.

creepiness aside, im excited for when they come back.

its always a blast :)

<3

2007-02-15T07:21:20Z

Today was a beautiful day. I dont think the weather could have been much more perfect. I went outside comfortably in shorts and a tank top. that was a treat. i was/am in such a good mood today too.

I know im a loved person, but i'd be lying if i said i didnt want a little valentines day attention from a special someone. I don't hate this day. its a beautiful holiday. maybe next year ill be in love and really celebrate it!

itsmeshan @ 2007-02-10T01:32:00

2007-02-10T06:33:07Z

i have so much love in my heart right now.

itsmeshan @ 2007-01-26T14:28:00

2007-01-26T19:53:12Z

To the assholes at table 23:

for future refrence, DO NOT walk into a resturant the minute that its closing, and sit there for 3 hours. We dont want to give you more bottles of wine, we dont care how much money you are spending. the fact that you ordered coffee after you 3 course dessert and 4 course dinner made me cringe. Signal number one that you should get up: 1)the chairs around you are being put up, 2) the lights go off 3) the music is stopped. i know you all will never read this, but i wanted to make public that you suck to the highest degree of sucking, and you better not show your face at pastamore again.

whew. that being said, being that it was a thursday in january, i expected to be out of work by 11. i was excited to go to saturday-thursday for the first time at firestone. after getting home around midnight, i hurry and change, then run back out the door to meet up with trent and my buddies. I got wind that EVERYONE was gonna be there, and i was excited. normally after a closing shift im pretty beat. but my energy levels were up. i get to firestone, and problem # two. i cant parallel park. yes, it is a disgrace being that i am a native new yorker, but i can't, so whatever. i had to call jamie and get help from her. needless to say she, kristin and tracy were leaving, which was bummer # 3, but i maintained a positive attitude cause i figured everyone couldnt have left yet. i get inside, and Trent is right by the door. it seems that moments before i got there everyone did start to leave, as the night had begun rather early with the rapture show. trent says goodbye to the last remaining friend that hadnt left yet, and we head down to Ibar. Man was it cold last night. cold enough for me to wear my thigh high boots that i found at a thrift store in brooklyn that are so ugly you cant help but fall in love with them.

We get to Ibar, and immediately Tisha pulls me and trent onto the dance floor as Sexy back starts blaring through the speakers. Pop hit followed by pop hit made for a pretty fun time at Ibar, as they usually play obscure indie classics. well, at least when i used to frequent Ibar. Needless to say, i had a good time. Ibar saved the night from being a complete let down.

this week has been a pretty social one, and i guess its a good warm up for nyc. not looking forward to the cold. cool=yuck, but ny=yay. time to dust off that winter coat. 6 more days <3

itsmeshan @ 2007-01-25T04:13:00

2007-01-25T09:22:44Z

Today was such a good day. Lucky for me someone wanted to pick up a shift, and i wanted to give one away. i finally got my room clean and organized. went shopping with victoria and got some colder weather things for my trip. then headed to a friends for christine's going away party. we had brazilian bbq, danced, talked, acted silly. it was a nice time. The food was amaaaaaazing. i ate so much! my stomach still hurts a few hours later. it made me miss mike a lot. i learned so much about brazilian culture from him, that it gives me a sense of comfort to be around things from that country. i always have to explain "i almost married someone from brazil" when i express such an interest and love for that culture. it was nice. i miss him tremendously.

one week until nyc. im so glad i planned this trip. i havent been this excited for something in a long time.

itsmeshan @ 2007-01-21T03:53:00

2007-01-21T08:54:53Z

i know exactly what i want. Now its just a matter of finding it. gainsville with jamie was sooooo much fun. so much.

itsmeshan @ 2007-01-13T01:28:00

2007-01-13T06:30:14Z

i know that eating my adult mac and cheese left overs from fridays at 1:00 am isnt the healthiest and most diet conscious thing to do, but man it sure feels and tastes so good. YUM.

Quotes tonight inspired by I love New York

2007-01-11T02:07:16Z

NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. EXTREME CRUELTY AHEAD:

I am a fan of flavor of love, therefore also a fan of I love New York. But New York's mom is one ugly woman. She looks like a bald man transforming into a horse.

My mom, sister and I were marveling at her unattractiveness tonight, which was only encouraged by her even uglier personality.

"i used the word ugly like i use the word hate. which is rarely ever" -Kirsten

"if they keep showing her this much, i will stop watching this show" -Me

"They should take her and t-bone, put them in a bag, and throw them into the ocean."- I'm not gonna say who said this one

you know you agree. Don't fight it.

itsmeshan @ 2007-01-10T15:03:00

2007-01-10T20:11:28Z

Its hard for me not to wish that sallie mae would choke on monkey balls after financially raping me for trying to get a higher education. $$$$. i know that eventually this will all work out. being in the middle of a challenge is always the hardest place to be. But i know that it will all work out because it has to.

reading the bible is a great comfort. reading about the lives of people who were severely flawed, yet still dearly loved and used by God. his mercy. his love.

right now from where im sitting, my heart is beating, my lungs are breathing, so i guess i am in excellent shape.